Will Never be an Empty Nester

We were halfway there but then went backward.

Two of our four children moved out of the house. One got married, and the other moved back in because he no longer had roommates to share rent with. This was nearly three years ago. The original plan I remember hearing was that he wanted to pay off his car. That was paid in full in February. Then he mentioned wanting to pay down some credit card debt. It’s seven months later with no sign of even wanting to move out.

Part of me doesn’t want to see him struggle because I’m his mom, but I also want to make the room he’s inhabiting my office. I’m tired of working in the basement. When I see him bring fast food into the house almost every day and buy upgrades and accessories for his computer, it’s hard to continue to show empathy.

If it was just about wanting more space (and fewer cars outside), it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. I work full time from home, and I want a nice office space to work in. Not a bedroom. Not a basement. Just an office.

What’s wrong with the room in the basement?

There was nothing wrong for a long time until I realized how much time I spent down there. Not only was I working 40 hours per week down there, but I would also spend time on my own computer surfing the web, blogging, and editing photos. That extra time is no longer an issue because I invested in a Microsoft Surface Book so I can do all of those things anywhere.

That purchase didn’t happen until after we took in a pretty permanent house guest. From what I understand, he wants to go to college here, but he isn’t welcome to live with his dad and stepmom in their new house. So he sleeps on a futon in my office. When I start working in the mornings, he gets up and moves to a couch if he doesn’t have to get ready to go yet. This shared scenario isn’t ideal, but it is first and foremost my office – where I earn money.

How do I overcome the overcrowded feeling?

I don’t. I can work at the actual office downtown, but that would cost more money (gas and light rail) and have me out of the house longer (40-50 minutes each way). I’m not going to do that. I work from home. I like working from home. Unless my company makes it mandatory that I work in the office, I will continue working from home as I have done for the last nearly 11 years.

Does anyone else out there have similar situations?

I feel like a support group probably exists somewhere!

Featured Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

2 Replies to “Will Never be an Empty Nester”

  1. Can you stick him in the basement? Tell him, if you really mean it, he is welcome to stay but you have your own plans. In my experience boys and men are less worried about being stuck in basements. In my house, I have no office, I make my corner upstairs beside a window because I need natural light. The basement has windows but it’s not the same…


    1. There are two additional young men living with us, not just my son, who is almost 29 years old. We only have a partial basement (the other half is crawl space). My office/guest room is is the only finished room down there with no room for any further additions. In my post “Working from Home Harder than it Seems”, I also mentioned that my husband has his computer setup in the only remaining open space in the basement. There is nowhere else for him to go, either. He gets loud so we don’t want him gaming upstairs.

      Ideally, I’d love to move to a house with a full, finished basement. Neither of us has the energy for the hassle at our age (past the half centure mark).

      Since the house guest is no relation is only a small reason I won’t give up the room entirely and set up in the dinining room. At the risk of sounding childish, I was there first. I have video conferences to participate in and phone calls to make. I prefer the professionalism of a private office to block out background noise and people walking by my laptop cam.

      A conversation needs to be had, but I don’t like to be the “bad guy” or see people struggle. I sacrifice my own wants and end up resenting those I’m sacrificing for when it goes on for a long time.

      Liked by 1 person

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