What does anxiety feel like?
Monday … my one weekday off … the end of my 3-day weekend. I had nothing planned but wanted to get out of the house. I ended up going to Saj Mediterranean Grill and immediately felt guilty about the amount of money my plate, drink, and baklava cost. Very overpriced for the amount of food no matter now good it is.
Food wasn’t even my main objective for my outing. I wanted to find fabric cubes for shelves in my bedroom. I need the 10×10 cubes, and the first Target I went to didn’t have that size. Super Target did have the smaller size. They also had a bag that I liked.
There were two bags in this design. This one that I can’t really name the color and a black one. I chose this one because it’s different. It’s not really pink or mauve or peach or beige. There was one problem: lack of compartments inside. There’s the typical zippered compartment, and there are two pockets on the opposite side for keys and cell phone. So a separate zippered pouch was necessary … as was a new wallet that wouldn’t clash like my navy and white striped wallet would have. Guilt. I bought something for myself. The horror!
Later, at home, I started writing in my journal then people walked into the room. I don’t like to be watched when I’m writing. I feel like people are trying to read over my shoulder. Most of what I write is boring anyway (like my blog). I don’t write or have any big secrets. It makes me anxious. I feel like everyone in the house thinks it’s a waste of time and they don’t understand why I do it. I do it because I like to write … and because I fear losing my memory when I’m old … and many other reasons.
If gravity were to disappear and you were suddenly sucked into space. That’s what anxiety feels like.