The Painted Picture

Social media doesn’t paint the whole picture. There are people who post nothing but sunshine and happiness and those who post doom and gloom. That doesn’t mean those people never have bad days or never experience joy.

A moment of giddiness - a result of being extremely tired.

Anyone who suffers from any form of depression will tell you that December or the entire winter season is the worst for them. It’s certainly true for me. I still laugh and find some joy (see photo for evidence); but despite my cheery posts on social media, those moments are not indicative of my entire life.

Why am I sad right now? Because things change … they have changed … they will continue to change … and I don’t like the changes.

I feel like I could easily skip Christmas entirely, but I want to keep it as special as I can for what little family I have here that would like to celebrate the holiday.

Someone very special to me is an atheist and doesn’t see the point of celebrating Christmas. He won’t even say “Merry Christmas”, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t even care to come over on Christmas day on principle. I feel like I’m losing touch with him, and his negativity and what seems like an “I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks because everyone’s stupid” attitude is getting worse. That makes me sad. I even heard him say that he wasn’t obligated (exact word) to come over [on Christmas].

No, he’s not obligated to come over. I don’t want him to think that I don’t care or am not interested in his life, but I don’t know what else to do besides back off and let him be.

I feel, at this very moment, like someone kicked me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me. I want to cry, but I’m holding back the tears so no one will see.

So despite the things I post on Facebook, life is not all sunshine and happiness or fun and games for me. I just choose not to post many “woe is me”things because I’m not seeking pity.


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