Sleeping until 8:00 a.m. is sleeping in for me. That was good! Since then, not so great. So I’m going on a free-writing rampage with this post.

We hooked up my laptop with the broken monitor to an external monitor so I wouldn’t have to disappear into the basement all the time. I just put it in sleep mode when not in use because the laptop doesn’t have a dock with a convenient power button. However, sleep mode leaves the laptop running. Maybe I’m nuts to worry about this, but I thought the constant heat can’t be great for the mother board. So I shut it down completely last night. When I turned it on this morning, it didn’t remember the monitor set up. I wasn’t aware of the Fn + monitor function to switch it over, but my husband finally figured out to press the power button and shut the laptop right away to get it to power up on the external monitor. That problem is solved now.

Using photo processing programs on the laptop is slow and presents errors because of it. Still a problem. Anything of great importance (work for actual clients) must be done on my desktop in the basement. My office. MY space. And it has to be done during times that are convenient to me. That may be times that are inconvenient to whoever may be trying to sleep in the space I must walk through to get to my office.

OK. There it is. Probably the root of the tension and anxiety. My “yes” nature and apparent gullibility led me into a situation that I’m ready to be out of. I’ve been ready to be out of it for the past couple months. That’s a lie. I’ve been ready for several months. I’ve already told the remaining children living at home that if they ever have a friend in need of a place to stay, don’t even think of asking me. I’m not doing it anymore.

I don’t like being the one to tell someone no, especially knowing that it will make the person’s life harder. However in this situation, I truly believe the best solution would have been to just stick it out where she was. What I thought was being helpful has ultimately turned out to be a disservice to all involved.

I want my house back. I don’t want to have to step over gates anymore that are tearing up my walls. I want to be able to go wherever I want in my house without worrying about inconveniencing or waking anyone or having a big dog beg for attention and sticking her nose in places it shouldn’t be. I want our mulch to stay where we put it. I want the anxiety of the dog interactions to be gone.

Yes, the dog is cute. I really do like the dog. I’m just not a big dog person. Did it once. Never planned on doing it again.

Current mood: extremely anxious.

Written by Sheila K

I don't believe humans truly have a purpose. Our goal is to survive until we expire. Period. Joy is pleasurable and worrying is not. Balance in life is crucial; but if the scales must tip, may they tip on the side of joy. I’m just another human trying to survive. I blog because I can and because I enjoy it, not because it serves any purpose.

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