I’ve always had this feeling that whenever somebody complains about something hurting, they’re perceived as whiners and just need to get over it. So I generally don’t complain too much about pain or make a big deal of it. Instead, I try to push through the pain without making a lot of noise about it.

I’ve mentioned my knee pain before, then I just let it go. It started late September, and I thought it was finally starting to do better. That was until I walked around the zoo yesterday and regretted it later that night and still today. The same spot on my left knee, low and to the inside, KILLS! It’s worse going downhill or down stairs than up.

I will eventually go to the doctor. I’ve been once before. I’m pretty sure it’s chondromalacia patella. They sent me to physical therapy, where they discovered there were many things I couldn’t do because it caused more pain. It was a waste of time and money.

To really see what’s going on, they may want more than an x-ray (affordable with insurance) like an MRI (not-so-affordable even with insurance). If they find that it’s not something easily fixed with R.I.C.E. and physical therapy and can only really be relieved with surgery, that’s also not-so-affordable even with insurance! We just finally got out from under monthly payments on medical bills. I don’t want to have to make them again. I would feel guilty putting yet another expensive burden on our already tight budget.

That’s not the worst of it, either. The pain is one thing, but the frustration over the resulting limitations is another. This affects my photography as it limits my motion. I like to get down low for angles not normally seen. That’s now extremely difficult. I like to get out and go places that require a lot of walking. Yesterday proved that to be painfully regrettable. I can easily see how people who suffer debilitating injuries can become depressed. 😦

So, yes, this knee pain I have is having a pretty big negative affect on me. I try not to complain about it, but I’ve been stuffing it down for so long that I had to let it out here. IT HURTS! It’s not an excuse to get out of things, which should be apparent by the fact that I try to do things in spite of it. It’s not a ploy to get pity attention because I loathe that type of attention. I’m just tired of trying to pretend that it doesn’t exist.

Now that I got that out of my system for the moment, maybe I can get back to my regularly scheduled programming … work, work, and more work. 😛

Written by Sheila K

I don't believe humans truly have a purpose. Our goal is to survive until we expire. Period. Joy is pleasurable and worrying is not. Balance in life is crucial; but if the scales must tip, may they tip on the side of joy. I’m just another human trying to survive. I blog because I can and because I enjoy it, not because it serves any purpose.

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