This photo my 12-year-old daughter took of me at a graduation party captured my mood perfectly. I feel utterly deflated this weekend, and I can’t shake it. I know part of it is due to PMDD, but it’s magnified by life and the state of my house in general. I hesitated to put anything about this out there fearing that I’d be revealing a secret – that my life isn’t always sunshine and happiness. However, I thought a dose of reality might be warranted. I could refrain and let everyone continue to think that I’m always this positive, happy-go-lucky person whose life is just full of fun and good times. That would be a lie.
Everyone has their slumps, and everyone has bad moods. I’m on day three of a bad mood, and it sucks! I don’t want to be pacified. Don’t tell me everything will be fine. Don’t tell me everyone goes through it or everyone has rough days. I’m not looking for validation. I know everything will be fine; it just isn’t fine at the moment. I know everyone has rough days, but this is my rough day(s). When I’m having a rough day, I really couldn’t give a hoot about anyone else’s rough day. Let them wallow in their own rough day just as I’m wallowing in mine!
I have a few things I do well, but I have many things that I do horribly. The things that I do horribly are coming back to bite me in the ass! I can organize things, and I can usually keep certain things organized, but I can’t teach others in the house to keep things organized. The one time I skip putting something back exactly where it goes, everyone else follows suit, and all hell breaks loose. HUGE mess of disorganization and nothing can be found. The C.H.A.O.S. (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) this creates makes me sad. It could be just as well since past experience has proven that most people can’t make it anyway. So why bother? (I know, I know! Self-pity – suck it up!)
What causes the problem is dropping things where it’s most convenient to save a few seconds and get to what’s more desirable faster. Repeat this process over and over, and what could have been prevented by taking a few extra seconds to put something away now takes a few hours to sort through, organize, and clean. Multiply that by the six people in this house (yes, I’m included), and that’s just overwhelming.
This may sound typical of an average American family, no matter how much many of the house proud ones try to hide it. What is not typical is that every one of the women in those families also suffer from PMDD. I know a lot of women throw around the PMS excuse flippantly, but everyone has some sort of mood swings. Some have a far easier time of just “getting over it” or “snapping out of it” than others. Throw money matters into the mix (and I will refrain from sharing those details), and it’s all over.
The bottom line is that everyone in the house needs to share the responsibilities. The problem there is know-how. They need to be taught how, and I suck at teaching almost as much as I suck at setting a good example. And so it continues…